Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Did I Shave My Head For This?

I'm Slim Shady, the real Slim Shady... Posted by Hello

Back in '93 or '94 I was a singing waiter at a place called "Malibu Jack's" at the Underground here in Atlanta. An incident involving a now defunct festival for black college students and a standing ovation (don't ask), forced me to give up my singing career for what I thought was forever.

So naturally, if I was gonna stage a comeback to my singing career I should start with karaoke.

Karaoke: noun: the Japanese term for singing badly in front of total strangers for no apparent reason other than to celebrate your suckiness. Or at least that's what the definition should be in my case.

Who is this guy? Posted by Hello

Okay, here's the real reason I decided to try to rejuvenate my singing career: today marks the first annual Freedom Day festivities for yours truly. What is Freedom Day you ask? Why, Freedom Day is the first day in nine years that I haven't had to avoid going to a bar for fear that my parole officer might find out. That's right. Today, I was officially off parole.

This means that I no longer have to be in my place of dwelling before midnight. I can now legally get drunk (even if I don't drink), I can leave the state or even the country without permission and I can even start the whole process over again by committing another crime if I wanted to.

Yeah right. There are many reasons for me to stay out of jail but the most compelling one is this: jail sucks! Gee, I'm sorry if I'm not being straightforward enough about that. It's just that even the most minimum security of America's jails and prisons just... well, they suck. You come when they say, you go when they say, sometimes you have to wait till they say you can use the bathroom. Commit another crime my ass. Crime can kiss my ass. I'm scared straight, G.

I said that I only want red m&m's! I'm goin' back to my trailer! Posted by Hello

So to celebrate, I got as many as my friends as I could scare up including minor celebrity Rob Solomon (of American Idol infamy) and told them to meet me at The Star Bar for karaoke Monday.
Fun was had by all, mainly because Rob fulfilled my wish of hearing him sing "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey and his wife, the lovely Cassandra Dear forced me to sing "Copacabana" by Barry Manilow, because she is evil, and her spell cannot be broken by mere mortals such as I.

Next time I'm gonna make her sing. I'll make her sing "Baby Got Back".

Devil Lady and her zombie minions Posted by Hello

Sing it like you mean it at The Singing Station!


Blogger Robin said...

Let Freedom Sing! Yay You!

I love watching people sing, even if they aren't so good... singing, even in the most off key scratchy voice, brings me joy!

3:32 PM  
Blogger Helen said...

And the most exciting part of this blog........ YOU ARE OFF PAROLE! This is wonderful and I hope you are able to once again feel like a free man! When my husband got off parole we had a party, too. Surely a day for celebration. (were you on State or Federal - just curious.)
BTW-my husband felt so free when he was released that he went a little wild and this girl ended up leaving him. Be good out there! You're new found freedom might make you a little crazy!

8:35 AM  
Blogger Loy said...

I was on state, where the food is miserable but at least there's plenty of it.
I'm a little worried myself about getting crazy, but let's hope I can keep my raging freedom in check.

10:02 AM  
Anonymous allison said...

man i wish i couldve been there. i LOVE making a fool of myself in public and kareoke is the best way to make sure that happens (cause god knows i cant sing!)
but i WILL be going to cassie's party at the international bowl arcade to kareoke till i make everyone's ears bleed. so you better be there! that place is super cool cause they give you and your party your own private room. so instead of making a fool of yourself infront of total strangers, you just do it infront of your friends.. good times, my friend!

2:36 PM  
Anonymous Cassandra Dear said...

This devil lady looks a little tired in that picture.

3:33 PM  

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